today

today, i met up with one of my closest friends. it was nothing but joy seeing this person again. hours effortlessly spent reminiscing the old days and planning the future, there was never a dull moment. it was nothing short of a blast.

also today, i had to relive, by narrating, one of the most painful experiences i have ever had. recounting blow by blow accounts of a love lost and is in no hope of being found drains oneself to the very core. good thing it happened earlier today; all sorrows drowned in the boisterous laughter of old friends.

finally, today, i remembered how much fun it was to spend time with you, be it standing before a computer specialist performing miracles on a two year old personal computer or spending countless hours clicking the mouse and hitting the keyboard, playing what has come to be our favorite computer game.

i wish my life will always be like today, where sadness is lost in between happiness, where pain is dulled by a wonderful past and an exciting future.

i like today. there is nothing like it.

greater change

it started few weeks ago, and it still continues on. this time, it's bigger, more complicated, harder. the severance of a relationship that was is now on the verge of a physical manifestation--separation, of bed and board, of habits, of life.

few months from now, at the time when i will need all support available, i will lose one--the strongest, the most needed. once more, everything will come crashing down at the very moment when i had to keep myself together. for my future. for my own, separate life.

it seems that the universe is conspiring to move into motion a break in the chain of love begun not so long ago. the crack has gone longer. the gap is getting wider. soon there will be nothing. but a silent void. the life built upon the test of time is now being worn by the advent of another time.

this is it. the divergence. the inevitable.

and the unbearable.

anger

love?
you know it not.
with what you've done,
and have been doing
much is to be said
re you
knowing love.
shame.

towards being happy

it has undeniably been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me these past few weeks. everything came crashing down the same time that i had to hold myself up to build my future. i had been sad then devastated then elated then empty and confused in a span of a week. and it is draining. totally draining.

good thing i think of myself as strong. that is, strong enough to keep it all together until an iota of light springs back in my life. strong enough to feel the better life ahead of me and work towards achieving that goal.

and i have.

i'm recovering immensely well. things that were unthinkable in the past are now matters of possibility. stuff that i have already forgotten, i am now remembering. and everything seems lighter. more wonderful. the whole world is indeed, once more, one big possibility.

towards being happy.

weird

It's so weird having two functioning blogs at the same time. it's like splitting oneself in two and not knowing which is whom and who is which. ideas get busted just because a part thereof seems better suited in one site than the other, thereby effectively hindering me from developing each idea and eventually stopping me from writing it altogether. again, it's weird. it's just that blogger, at least when i access it on my computer, seems to be off the mark lately and so i have been in search of another avenue to express my thoughts. and yahoo 360 (http://blog.360.yahoo.com/jandelm) is relatively new which i so cannot pass upon. thus, again, the dichotomy created, which, makes my writing life, well, weird.

weird.

http://www.jelandomer.blogspot.com

people seem to have had the impression that i deleted my whole blog altogether. i have not, for the following reasons.

first, i can never voluntarily delete my blog, let alone my entries therein. it has, for the most part, kept me sane all these years. by pouring out all emotions in writing, i was able not only to share unto my friends the best success and the worst failures i have had, but also, i was able to maintain a clean track of what's been going on in my life so as to decipher the most viable way in porceeding to the future. for this reason alone, it would have been insane to delete my blogsite and my entries therein.

second, for anyone who has been reading my blog all these years, one will notice that for every major event in my life, cataclysmic or otherwise, it is accompanied by a major revamp either in the template of my blog or in the blog title thereof. thus, i have had silvernightmare, jeland's law, thoughts, of ends and beginnings and now, lost in thoughts. the fact that you're seeing this entry does not mean that i have erased all that which i have already written. rather, it merely signifies a certain stage that i'm going through right now. and thank you for being there with me as i go through it.

third and finally, although change is good, i'd rather i can see the person i have been before that change. more than keeping track of the past for formulating the future, i'd like to see what's been in order to see who i've been and what i've already become. this puts things in perspective. it makes me a whole person. and for that, again, i can never delete my blog.

and so, for anyone who's interested in who i was before this change, for anyone who would like to make that leap of change with me, and for anyone who wants to accompany me as i map out my future by first looking at my past, hit www.jelandomer.blogspot.com, and i'll be there, stripped to my bare essentials.

thanks guys, for keeping me company all these years.

Lost in Thoughts

and so it starts anew. an era of my life where nothing is certain and everything is a possibility.

once again, i am lost in thoughts.

join me.